Summers Past

This concept of normalcy; I've often wondered if it exists. At university everybody seems to eschew it in favour of finding his or her own path, but I think overall everybody is just a little off. I'm not here to get into a philosophical debate (trust me, I'd lose). Sometimes I just think that even in this little micro-universe I'm not exactly "normal," whatever that means. Who's ever heard of environmentalist theatre major whose obsession with Springsteen led to a love of 1970s muscle cars? What kind of theatre student loves the stereotypical guy thing.

This whole post is a little more personal than I like to get on this blog. It's also incredibly off topic, so forgive me.

I think one of the great things about university is you can explore different interests and find a niche. You're exposed to ideas that weren't necessarily part of your experience growing up. The pool of people is just that much larger. However, I've found a certain type of person which is great, but there's still that hometown girl in me. The girl who remembers struggling to scrape by in an old used car. There's a part of me that will never quite fit in in a world that's dominated by the upper middle class (which is a shame). Most people from my hometown are married with children now. They've got solid jobs and work hard. I think all day.

I'm glad I chose the path I did, but I think I'll always identify a little with the people left in my hometown. They're the people who shaped me. They're my family and my neighbours. I never really fit in there either and I wouldn't go back, but their influence is profound. Sometimes I miss that life. Running downstairs and hopping into my friend's beat up 80s camaro and driving, walking for an hour in the August heat just to get to the coffee shop with board games,dancing down at the local hall, trekking into the city for an outdoor concert that we saved for months to buy tickets too, those are the memories I'll cherish. Those high school summers defined me. I grew apart from those friends and I miss them. We're different people now, but a part of me will stay lost in those summers, the same part of me that doesn't quite fit into the university mold.

I'm Back and Deeply Apologetic

Summertime at the beach

So here I am, back from my unannounced and unexpected hiatus. You would think that I would be able to make the time to write a few hundred words once a week during the summer, but no. I can only seem to manage a couple of projects at once and unfortunately this blog fell by the wayside.

What have I been doing with my time? I've been trapped in the theatre, only seeing the light of day through the wings. It's an outdoor venue and gorgeous. Of course, I'm backstage and see very little of the sun and grass and all that good stuff and instead have become intimately acquainted with the mosquitoes that inhabit the wings. I'm not complaining as it's a fantastic show that really came together after tech week and I'm proud to be a part of it. Not to mention the people who are lovely (and become even lovelier in my eyes when cupcakes appear in the greenroom)!

That one show took up hours of my time, but it's been open for awhile now. Up until this week what's kept me away has been sheer laziness. I didn't want to type. I didn't want to sit in front of my computer. I took day trips; I walked around my hometown. I have listened to far too much Bruce Springsteen. I must admit, I've barely thought about writing anything for weeks.

Now that I'm slightly busier and procrastinating from things that I really should be doing (*cough* rehearsal reports *cough*) I seem to have found the time to write again, funny how that goes. I've taken on a Stage Management position for a small one woman show that's showing in a local festival. It's not something I've ever done before and I'm excited, but also a little nervous. I'm less nervous about the actual show, which should be fairly straightforward, than my sanity. I haven't had a break in so long that I was looking forward to not working until October. Now I'll be balancing this job and the start of my final year at University. It will all work out because it always does; I just hope I don't burn myself out in the process.

That's how my summer has progressed, busy but no as of yet overwhelmed. I plan on enjoying my days off here and there and taking in all that I can during this coming August.

Growing Up?

That question mark was definitely intentional. Just the other day I was confident; I was going for a job interview at a government agency. I was wearing a suit and heels, purse in hand. A clipboard, paper, pens, an agenda and three printed copies of the resume in hand? Check. I was ready to take on the world.

Cue the rest of the day. Me limping around the city in these heels, attempting to find a pair of wearable shoes that I can afford. Hop on the bus change, then head back downtown for my unpaid internship. Thankfully this internship allows me to ditch the suit and replace it with jeans, a t-shirt and of course my winter jacket since it is officially -50 in the building. On the other hand, I believe it was in that moment that I forever decided against growing up if it means I can no longer wear jeans to work. 

I woke up the next day with the best of intentions. I made eggs. I searched job boards. I got dressed. I didn't get the position I interviewed for. Okay, small set back, but you know at least I still have my goal of never leaving my jeans intact. Life was looking good. 

Of course fast forward a few more days and I'm at home on my parents couch trying to ignore the fact that I'm unemployed with oh so few options. I filled out that application at Starbucks. Nothing back yet. My brother is loving having me home. I've taken up permanent residence on the couch and there is no way he's regaining control of the remote control or computer anytime soon. Or at least not until Tuesday, when I travel back to my apartment. 

Today I hit a new low. The day you know you've reached the bottom of the unemployment barrel when you don't get out of your pyjamas all day long. The afghan and couch were definitely my two best friends and who knew PVR could be so addictive. Do I want to watch The Break Up for the fourth time today without commercials? Why yes in fact I do. It gave me the chance to talk through different sections each time. How could I not keep replaying it? 

So while I'll be heading back to the dorms in a few days post long weekend I'll be doing so with a slightly new attitude. Gone is the wear nothing but jeans approach. It is dead, replaced by my let's aim to change into street clothing before 6pm. Maybe I'll even start setting the alarm again. Maybe. Hopefully at that point I'll have a brilliant new idea detailing how I'm going to make a billion dollars over the course of the summer. If that fails, invest in lotto tickets? Meet a brilliant, successful lawyer/doctor hybrid on Craiglist? Sue craigslist when said doctor/lawyer turns out to be a psychotic serial killer?

Maybe I'll do all that when I stop tearing up at hearing Roy Orbison songs on TimeLife commercials while reading Missed Connections and get up off this couch. I can say one thing is for certain. I certainly don't feel like I'm any closer to adulthood right now.